A Little Grammar Between You and Me

A Little Grammar Between You and Me
(Keywords:  grammar, management)
Length <1000 words

Between You and Me

(First printed in GSAE Magazine.  ©Copyright 2010, JP Harrison. All rights reserved).

            With the recent passing of Edwin Newman, the great broadcast journalist, writer, and defender of the language, there may be only one force that now stands between America and grammar catastrophe:  my mother, and all the wonderful grammarians that went to school back when good grammar was part of a good education in the South. 

Two things seemed to be of great value to old Southern families:  the inherited fine china (that which wasn’t destroyed by the Yankees, that is) and good grammar. 

There must be some explanation for the good grammar emphasis.  Maybe we were trying to offset other academic deficiencies after the War between the States, or maybe while Sherman was breaking the china he burned all the books except those having to do with grammar.  Or maybe the teachers were just better.  In any case (and we’ll get to the cases momentarily), good grammar was the mark of someone in the South who had been Raised Right with good schooling. 

            Today, in honor of Edwin Newman and my mother (and her Sparta, Georgia, English teacher, Miss Bess), we are going to tackle a serious grammar problem run amok.  It’s a common mistake, but it reveals the pretender in the parlor or the rookie in the boardroom.  I speak of the inability to know when to say “So-and-so and me” or “So-and-so and I”.   At the risk of preaching to the choir, how about we review quickly how easy it is to get this pronoun problem under control and get ourselves happily back in the good graces of Mr. Newman, Miss Bess and her ilk. 

            First, let us remember our sins.  In all likelihood, it is our very own friendly English teachers who got us in this mess.  Here’s what happened:  

Little Johnny pops in and says, “Franky and me are going to the store.”

Miss Bess retorts, “You mean, ‘Franky and I,’ young man.” 

So Little Johnny now goes forth with “Franky and I” ringing in his ears, thinking erroneously it is always supposed to be “Franky and I”.   Well, Little Johnny, you’re just a little slow here.  It is only “So-and-so and I” when it is the subject.  When it is the object, it is indeed “Franky and me”.  Thus, “Franky and I” went to the store, but someone saw “Franky and me” at the store. 

Now my Aunt Wylene, another star grammar pupil of Miss Bess, would have us pause here to remember that back in ought whenever--when real men and women actually learned Latin grammar in grammar school--that English is a breeze when it comes to cases.  We have two cases (subject and object).  Latin, Greek and other languages of erudition have five and six cases.  My Aunt Wylene never went to college, but she could conjugate, decline, mince, dice and slice a host of Latin words—along with the usual country garden vegetables—and never botched a recipe or a case.

What they didn’t tell Little Johnny was that there’s an easy way to know whether it’s subject or object case—simply drop the other person from the sentence and see what sounds right, “I” or “me”.  Here goes:

1)  Franky and me went to the store.  Drop the “Franky and”, and it then becomes “me went to the store.”   Now that may work for Tarzan and the Apes, but it’s really not going to impress Jane.   So, in this case (the subject case, by the way), it should be Franky and I.  

OK, number 2)  Someone saw Franky and I at the store.  Drop the “Franky and,” and it becomes “someone saw I at the store.”  That sounds strange; it should be the object case instead, “someone saw me at the store,” and thus it is, “someone saw Franky and me  at the store.”

Let’s try another one.  “Thanks for having my wife and ___ over for dinner.”  Well, if you take out “my wife and…” (apologies to Jack Benny), how should it sound?  “Thanks for having me over for dinner,” or “Thanks for having I over for dinner?”   Right, of course---“Thanks for having my wife and me over for dinner.” 

This works even if we talk about other people (and pronouns) other than just you and—um—me:   “Sally, and he went to the store,” but “they gave a gift to Sally and him.”

Not to drive you (and me) over the edge, but there is an instance where you just have to remember the dang rule and can’t play the splitting it up game.  The case in point:   “just between you and __.”   Now, if you said, “just between you and I,” then I’m sending Miss Bess with a yardstick to visit you.  Nope.  It is always, “just between you and me.”   Between is a preposition; it needs an object.  “Me” is the object (“I” is the subject).  

But enough talk about you and me, let’s talk about why this matters.  Edwin Newman sums it up well:  “Since nothing is more important to a society than the language it uses -- there would be no society without it --we would be better off if we spoke and wrote with exactness and grace, and if we preserved, rather than destroyed, the value of language.”

I think we’re done here.  I’ve tried to honor Mr. Newman and Miss Bess.  I’m not sure how they had the grammar defense territory strategically divided up with my mother, but we’re probably safe for the moment.  However, someday in the future, it will be up to just me and ___.  You.               

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©Copyright 2010, John P. Harrison.  All rights reserved.