Graduation Has Meaning
Summer is just around the corner, and that means graduations. And that means graduation ceremonies, and of course, commencement addresses. There are some such speeches which are inspirational and make the news. I frequently read those and have even been moved to wonder what I would write if I were given such an opportunity. Would I bring the newly-minted graduates great wisdom and inspiration? Or would I sink low and use the chance to nitpick at some of the things that are growing nuisances. Here goes:
Ladies and gentlemen, congratulations! I’m here to provide
you some parting advice as you leave this great institution. In the interest of time I shall use only
two-thirds of the tried and true formula of tell-em-what-you’re-going-to-say/say-it/and-then-tell-them-that-you’ve-said-it. I’m going to speak to both sides of your
brain and impart droplets of existential knowledge and then tell you the
meaning of life without any summary at the end. So, please don’t wait until the phrase “in
conclusion” to pay attention because there will be no summary at the end.
First, all the women in the audience please stand up. Now repeat after me, “I—state your name--am a
proud alumna of this university.”
Good. Now, all of you ladies
together say, “we are proud alumnae of this university.” Right, that’s pronounced, alum-nay, by the
way. Now, if the ladies will please sit
down and all the men please stand up.
Now, gentlemen, repeat after me, “I—state your name—am a proud alumnus
of this university.” That’s good. Now, guys, all together say, “we are proud
alumni of this university.” Perfect. OK, everyone please stand up, and say
together, “we are proud alumni of this university.”
I bet some activist out there is wondering why is the
masculine plural, alumni, used for everybody.
My answer is this: the common
and mundane generally take on the masculine, and the special and life-bearing
take on the feminine. Thus, some say,
“you guys,” for everyone; most use “gay,” the male version, for gay, lesbian, etc.,
and originally we said “a person, he,” instead of the more cumbersome, “a
person, he or she.” Ships, airplanes,
nations, and yes, our mother earth, are special and feminine because they carry
life. Please respect that. Unless we in the work force, in our speech,
and in our daily lives accommodate and honor motherhood, our future generations
may not be plural.
Speaking of plural, when you combine with another person in
marriage or in a sentence, let it bring out your best. Do not say, “me and Mike are going to the
store.” Think about what you would say
if you were going by yourself, without Mike.
Would you say me is going to the store?
No. And do not say, “they gave
the prize to Mary and I.” Would you say,
they gave the prize to I? Treat the
concept and the grammar of the team properly; let not combination cause
sloppiness. When together in a partnership,
the rules of civility and pleasantness are important. Your grammar should reflect this attention. You have now been educated. Mike and I should show this to Mary and me.
Now to the other side of the brain, the more
quantitative. Numbers and graphs are
important. They tell a story in few
words or images. The greatest graph of all time is
the space and time record of Napoleon’s march into Russia. In that fascinating picture, the x-axis is
time and the names of the battles and terrain features (those are the
independent variables because they keep going independently no matter what), and
along the y-axis is the number of soldiers remaining (that’s the dependent
variable, because it well, depends on the independent variable). You can see the march of the seasons along the
time and terrain axis and how the number of troops starts to wither. You can picture the poor souls dropping from
hunger, disease, and frostbite and perhaps even battle. Remember there is poetry and meaning and
effort behind the numbers. Appreciate
the effect of a good graph.
Learn to understand a few basics of accounting. It has little to do with math; many a
mathematician has perished in accounting.
It is simply a set of rules for putting quantities in a certain holding
place. Don’t let it be a mystery, for
you will pay a higher price. The basic equation is ALE, Assets = Liability
+ Equity, or in other words, what you have on hand is a summation of what you owe and
what you own. Drink up the ALE and try
to own more than you owe.
And when you do own something, invest it or in it wisely,
for if you lose it you must earn a higher percentage than you lost to get back to the same starting
point. Remember that: if you have a $1000 and lose 20% you end up
with $800. You then have to earn back
25% or a higher percent than you lost, to get back to $1000. This is part of the reason why a loss causes more pain than a gain causes pleasure.
Now, the moment all you alumni have really been waiting
for: the meaning of life. It is very simple. The meaning of life is [drum roll, please]-- to give
life meaning. It sounds easy, and it can
be. Do not be misled by your
education. You had faith in something
originally—or before you became informed.
You must make the transition back to the pre-informed truth—and have
post-informed faith. That, will give
you meaning to give life meaning.
I told you at the start I would give you two thirds of the
formula and simply tell you what I was going to say, and then say it—that I wouldn’t
tell you that I said it; that is to say, no summary.
And I won’t. Always keep your
word, and if you--for good and unselfish reason-- ever need to amend it, do so
cleverly and in a fashion that still complies with the contract. In other words, use both sides of your
brain. Pay close attention to respectful
grammar. Appreciate that which carries
life. Love numbers, for they too
contain a poetic story, as do all the languages. It all has meaning, as it did before you came
here and will after you’ve gone.
Especially if you give it such.
©Copyright
2018 J.P. Harrison. All rights reserved.
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